You are The Cap'n!
Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.
A couple of days ago..Saturday to be exact..i had a ‘fast-breaking’ dinner with a bunch of close friends. Somehow our flow of conversation had taken an unexpected turn and this F-er suddenly made the headlines. Believe me, a very repulsive subject. Urgh..and ‘object’ as well! It was during this time that my friend decided to lay everything out in the open and drop the bombshell. I was told that this F-er has been bitching about ME behind my back! (yes..i believe her, thank you!) What more, a handful of baseless accusations! It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but to me, it’s NOT OKAY. You see, if that F-er is just an acquaintance, someone I hardly knew, he can bitch about me all he wants and I just don’t F-ing care. But what pisses me off the most is the fact that he’s actually a friend, and quite a close one at that. Thinking back, he was the one that initiated everything resulting in us being closer. What a F-ing hypocrite! More often than not, he was the one who called me, he was the one who asked me out, he was the one who seek me out whenever we were in a big crowd, he was the one who poured-out his soul to me(YES!). I’ve NEVER asked for any of these. Why would I want to be treated differently? Even back in our schooldays (yes, he’s my ex-schoolmate), he was NEVER a friend. Honestly, I didn’t even know him. When he started contacting me, I have no qualms about it. And since he’s a rather enjoyable companion, for old time’s sake, I equally accepted him. BAD MOVE sista! Gosh.. what a two-face spineless F-er he is. If you want to bitch about me…say it to my face!
But worry not, there’s hell to pay. At first, I was thinking of confronting him but nah…I won’t give him the satisfaction of my anger. He’s not worth the extra energy. From now on, he’s going to get a ‘royal’ treatment from me. I’m going to be really bitchy towards him. I’ll go all the way to slander him to no end, I’ll be extra rude, sarcastic, mean, and all the worst that you can think of. In fact, I’ll even go beyond your imagination. Ooo..I can be all that if I want to. He’ll wish that he had never set eyes on me. I can’t wait to finally meet him again. I basked in the knowledge that a lot of his dark secrets are on my fingertips. Aaah…the sweet stench of revenge…
urgh.....i need help.
but wait...i did call a few people. i checked out a few master's program. i went to buy envelopes.
hehhe...*phew*...that was close!
It’s not safe anymore. Even in the comfort of your own home. The sense of security is not there. There’s always the nagging thought lurking at the back of your mind…alert..make sure no ones following you..watch every angle. You know, like someone will come up from behind and whack you with a canoli. Life is not as laidback as it used to be. There are just too many criminals walking around that a moonlight stroll alone is a thing in the past. Even to the point of unthinkable to some. If you think that’s scary enough, what about chaining your garden furniture? I’m not kidding..it’s in the range now I’m telling you. Life’s little pleasures are being ripped off right under our nose. Tragic!
Take, for instance, the incident that happened this afternoon. A man probably around 50-60 years old came to my house. He wanted to see my dad and told me that my dad has helped him before. Now his daughter needs to undergo a major operation and he’s short of funding. I asked him to come back in the evening when my dad’s around. But he said it would be impossible since he took the bus here. There’s nothing else that I can do though there’s so much that I wanted to do. Honestly, I feel sorry for him. He tried to show me some papers which obviously I couldn’t see since I was inside the house and he was outside the gate. I really wanted to help him. It’s not like I don’t have the money. Believe me, there’s enough lying around the house that would put a smile on his face. It’s the circumstances especially in this age where worst case scenarios have been mapped in your minds that set me back. I WAS HOME ALONE. And that’s reason enough. I shouldn’t even be speaking to him in the first place, let alone opening the door and giving him money. I don’t care if he’s lying but what if he forces entry, burglarize the house, rape or worst, kill me? Sad…I know. I wonder what course of action will I take should this incident happen 30 years ago?
I don’t really like my current self. Ever had that feeling? I think I’ve somehow changed. In terms of my lifestyle, my relationships, my way of thinking and even the way I look. My life has taken quite a narrow turn. And I played a great part in it most of the time. Well..some are purely unconscious occurrences. I’m not sure if it’s for the better or for worse. After doing some reflection…I realized that I don’t really welcome these changes. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re bad. Really. Maybe I’m just not comfortable with the whole thing. Yet. But on second thought, will I ever be??
Yeah..shoot me again! And AGAIN. I thought I’ve given up blogging. *sigh*. I sometimes am the victim of my own fickle mindedness. Surpise..surprise! Guess..i just need a place to share a piece of my life and my innermost thoughts. And most importantly, to vent my anger and frustration. Especially towards unlikely sources which I’ll definitely not be vocal about it in REAL life. I rather channel it here than keeping it bottled up inside. Nah..not good. Not good at all. Yeah..just to maintain my system at pH7. WUTeva man…
To let out whats inside
coz I will panic
Sometimes I wish you'd die
Full of sorrow
You raped and stole my pride.
And all this hate is bottled up inside"